Deborah K. Lambert

ADULT EDUCATION

What on earth would attract some 350 students to jam the Marvin Center Auditorium at George Washington University on a chilly Thursday evening in mid-February?

A XXX-rated, school-sponsored porno flick called Juranal Park, that’s what.

Ian Zeitzer, head of the program board that sponsors a variety of campus films, indicated in a chat with the school paper that the choice of titles was made to accommodate students. The rationale was: "Why not show films that many students are watching in their dorm rooms anyway?"

The evening began with the PG-rated Cinderella Story starring Drew Barrymore. Before the second film, Asst. Political Science Prof. James Willson-Quayle spoke about Western civilization’s exploitation of females, a situation that he felt capitalism had only made worse.

Then came the showing of Juranal Park, which inspired a predictably noisy reaction from the crowd of primarily undergraduates. "It’s time for more female-oriented porn," said Yei-sung Kim, who noted that society shouldn’t tell males that it’s okay to like porn, while making females feel ashamed of it.

The event sparked protests to GW President Joel Trachtenberg and Associate VP/Student Dean Linda Donnels. But program chairman Zeitzer defended it, saying that the two films and lecture attracted more than 400 people. "That alone is a success," he stated.

WRITE ON

Denis Dutton, who teaches philosophy of art at the University of Canterbury, New Zealand, is looking forward to wading through some exceptionally bad prose this season.

A few years ago, Prof. Dutton invented the annual "Bad Writing" Contest. An average of 70 entries are submitted to the annual competition, including one which described the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding affair as "a melodrama [which] parsed the transgressive hybridity of un-narratived representative bodies back into recognizable hetero-visual modes."

In Prof. Dutton’s view, complaints about students’ bad writing should be re-directed at professors, some of whom are scraping the bottom of the barrel with their tortured forms of expression. After all, people shouldn’t feel stupid when they don’t understand phrases like "disclosing the absentation of actuality," he said. Noting that jargon has become the emperor’s clothing of choice, Prof. Dutton explains that "jargon-laden prose always suggests but never delivers genuine insight."

Consider this contest entry excerpt: "Indeed dialectical critical realism may be seen under the aspect of Foucauldian strategic reversal...of the unholy trinity of the ...Cartesian-Lockean-Humean-Kantian paradigm, of foundationalisms ...and irrationalism." For more about this annual wordgame, visit their website at www.cybereditions.com/aldaily.

GENDER AWARENESS, P.C. STYLE

For females looking for politically correct methods of critiquing the men in their lives, here are some suggestions:

Try saying: he does not have a beer gut, he has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility; he is not quiet, he is a Conversational Minimalist; he is not stupid, he suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He does not have his head up his butt, he suffers from Rectal-Cranial Inversion; he does not have a rich daddy, he is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion; he does not have a hot body, he is Physically Combustible; he is not a bad dancer, he is Overly Caucasian.

He is not a sex machine, he is Romantically Automated; he is not a male chauvinist pig, he has Swine Empathy; he does not undress you with his eyes, he has an Introspective Pornographic Moment; he is not afraid of commitment, he is Monogamously Challenged.

KILLER TREES

Remember how Democrats and environmentalists hooted and howled when Ronald Reagan referred to a phenomenon he called "killer trees" during the 1980 presidential campaign?

The source of Reagan’s comments was Prof. Reinhold Rasmussen, a botanist at the Oregon Graduate Institute of Science and Technology, who endured years of being lambasted and trashed by environmental groups and the media for his unorthodox views on trees.

Now Mr. Rasmussen is out of the wilderness, according to The Wall Street Journal, which reported that his scientific theories about trees being the primary culprits behind smog have not only been recognized as valid, but helped change the course of federal air-pollution policy.

The 62-year-old botanist became well-known for his unusual research techniques, i.e. moving among trees, caressing their leaves, and "occasionally plunging his face into a plastic bag that he wrapped around a few lush limbs."

Recalling that he has nearly been arrested several times, Prof. Rasmussen said his classic explanation for the seemingly bizarre behavior was that he was doing "very rigorous nasal appraisal."

KILLER COURSE

Students at Newman University in Wichita, Kansas will have the benefit of first-hand knowledge next fall when they study the trial of Charles Manson, convicted of the 1969 killing of actress Sharon Tate and six others in Los Angeles.

Political Science Prof Robert Beattie, who wrote Manson a letter asking for his input on the project, couldn’t believe it when Manson replied—from his maximum-security roost—that he’d grant the prof a 45-minute interview.

Noting that he had "50 years of experience in incarceration," Manson said during the taped interview that he had "a leg up on the law from an underworld perspective."

Next fall’s mock trial, involving student-jurors, might also feature a phone link with Manson testifying in his own defense, something that didn’t happen at his trial 30 years ago.

According to Sandi Gibbons, spokeswoman for the LA County District Attorney’s Office, Manson has helped students in similar situations before. "He likes to interact with young people," she said.

CAN U SPEL TATTOO?

As Wayne State University student Lee Williams was proudly showing off his recently applied "villain" tattoo, one of his pals chuckled and told him he’d better look again.

"Villain" is misspelled, the chum said. Sure enough, there it was—"v-i-l-l-i-a-n." Since neither Mr. Williams nor the folks at the tattoo parlor knew the correct spelling, they decided to wing it rather than check a dictionary. Now Williams is suing his tattooers for $25,000 in damages...

GLASS CEILING GALLS GALS

A new report from the American Association of University Professors (AAUP) revealed that the wage/gender gap is growing in academia.

While male profs earned 9.2 percent more than their female counterparts in 1975, that figure rose to 12.5 percent in 1998. There were also greater pay disparities among associate and assistant professors, while women at the lowest (instructor) level held their ground.

Report author Ernest Benjamin also noted that "women are much more likely to be instructors and lecturers and less likely to be full professors."

Although Benjamin suggested that the disparity could result from "old boys club discrimination," it might also be explained by other factors, i.e. the reluctance to relocate. However, results of recent lawsuits like the one at Connecticut’s Trinity College where a former prof was awarded $12.7 million for being denied tenure because of her sex may have repercussions for male academics.

CONDOM FIESTA

In addition to Valentine’s Day, mid-February marked the first celebration of National Condom Week at Indiana University, Bloomington. This long-overdue event was marked by the appearance of "Captain Condom" AKA grad student Jon Byron, who arrived in a red felt cape and a condom over his face, handing out colored condoms and wishes of "safe sex for all."

The event was sponsored by Campus for Choice and Planned Parenthood of Central and Southern Indiana in order to raise awareness about sexual activity.