Blue Book Breakdown

, Deborah Lambert, Leave a comment

If you’re wondering what American students are learning about history these days, it’s worth spending a few minutes reading some entries from Non Campus Mentis, compiled and edited by History Professor Anders Hendriksson from 30 years worth of test papers, term papers and exam blue books.

Some of the best excerpts are as follows:

* History, a record of things left behind by past generations, started in 1815. Thus we should try to view historical times as the behind of the present. This gives incite into the anals of the past.

* Prehistory, a subject mainly studied by anthroa-pologists, was prior to 1500. When animals were not available the people ate nuts and barrys. Social division of labor began when a tribe would split into hunters and togetherers. Crow Magnum man had a special infinity for this. Advances were most common during the inter-galactic periods.

* The history of the Jewish people begins with Abraham, Issac, and their twelve children. Judyism was the first monolithic religion. It had one big God named “Yahoo.” Old Testament profits include Moses, Amy and Confucius, who believe in Fidel Piety. (One of the only reasons Confucius was born was because of a Chinese tradition).

* The scientific method came into use when the Greeks learned never to take things for granite when solving a problem.

* Plato invented reality. He was a teacher to Harris Tottle, author of The Republicans. Lust was a must for the Epicureans. Others were the Vegetarians and the Synthetics, who said, “If you can’t play with it, why bother?”

Cesar inspired his men by stating, “I came, I saw, I went.”

When he was assinated, he is reported to have said, “Me too, Brutus.”

* Christianity was just another mystery cult until Jesus was born. The mother of Jesus was Mary, who was different from other women because of her immaculate contraption.

* During the Middle Ages, everyone was middle-aged. People lived in or near the soil. Most were kept busy sewing the crops. Surfs were dentured and bonded to the ground.
In times of crises they would seek refuse in the lord’s castle.

* Renaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike. They enriched themselves by planting wool and selling it for clothing. They increased these profets by paying interest to people who borrowed even more grits for the mills of change.

* Machiavelli, who was often unemployed, wrote The Prince
to get a job with Richard Nixon.

* Ferdinand and Isabella conquered Granola, a part of Spain now known as Mexico and the Gulf States.

* Captain Cook found many continents while deliberately on exhibition and located the perfect navel spot near Africa’s bottom.”

* The Enlightenment was a reasonable time that seeped slowly into one of Europe’s ears and then creeped out the other.”

* Another final straw in the camel’s pack was when Britan tried to bar colonists from crossing the Appelation Mountains. Many Colonists became convicted patriots after reading Horse Sense by the escaped Englishman Thomas Pain.

*Yorktown was sight of Robert E. Lee’s greatest victory. Washington defeated the Allies at Gettysberg. He was the first and only president to be elected anonymously by the Electoral College. Thomas Jefferson was president, founder of the University of Virginia, and author of the Decoration of Independence.

* Sigmund Freud was a shrink who came up with sex reasoning. He said that if the mind says not to have sex and the will will not listen, then the mind will go crazy. Leaders of the women’s movement included Florence Nightengail, Susan B. Anthony, and Crystal Pancake. German feminists furthered the whatnot of women. Sufferance was the major goal.

* Nineteenth century America was an unequal society where only White males could download access to the power serge.”

Miss Lambert writes the Squeaky Chalk column which appears in the newsletter version of the Campus Report, from which this book review is excerpted.